-----Original Message-----
From:xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx.xxx
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 11:35pm
To:xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx.xxx
Subject: Our Rap Battle (don't chicken out!!!!!!!!!!!)

Dear Mr. Steele,

You want to make the party hip-hop, but your game's as old as scrimshaw
And then you go ahead and flip-flop and apologize to Limbaugh?
So, if you think you're krunk, come battle with me
But you're gonna get dunked like chamomile tea!

Hunh!

Sincerely,
Stephen T. Colbert

P.S. I've also included some great lawyer jokes.

The Lawyer and the Redneck!!!!!!!!

A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that rednecks are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the redneck would like to play a fun game. The redneck is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, "This game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the redneck's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The redneck doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the redneck's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the airphone, he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After an hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the redneck and hands him $500. The redneck pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes up the redneck and asks, "Well, what does go up a hill with three legs and come down with four?" The redneck reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

The Young Lawyer Joke!!!!!!!!

For three years, the young lawyer had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

Why Surgeons Operate on Lawyers!!!!!

Four surgeons were arguing about the best patients to operate on and the first surgeon said -

"I like teachers - open them up and everything is in alphabetical order"

The second surgeon said-

"No no! Accountants are easier - open them up and everything is in numerical order"

The third surgeon said -

"No! Electricians are the best - open them up and everything is color coded"

The fourth surgeon piped up-

"You are all wrong - Lawyers are the best - open them up and they have no spine, no guts and no heart and their backsides and their heads are interchangeable!!"

St. Peter's Got a Lawyer!!!!!!!!!

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"