Stephen reports on the Supreme Court enforcing the Geneva Conventions, questions Washington State Congressman Rick Larsen, and interviews publisher Mort Zuckerman. (0:32)
Mitt Romney gets a wag of the finger for speaking out against polygamy while the Boston Pops get a tip of the hat for having audience members who rumble. (4:30)
Stephen knows there's no better time to protect the sanctity of marriage than Valentine's Day, so he presents a montage of some of New York's most loving couples. (0:46)
Stephen can't decide who the luckiest bastard in the world is, the one who was going to lose to Mark Foley, or the one who was going to lose to Dennis Hastert. (2:20)
Stephen proposes a military plan that will keep marriage pure between a man and a woman, regardless of whether that man and woman want to stay married. (3:12)
After performing same-sex civil ceremonies in San Francisco, Gavin Newsom had an affair, which basically means that the American family is destroyed. (1:20)