Michael Wallis is the author of "The Lincoln Highway," which goes from San Francisco to Times Square. Stephen assumes it's for shuttling gay people to Broadway musicals. (5:37)
Congratulations, Israel. Just as America soars like the might eagle, may you emulate the noble long-billed hoopoe by squirting fecal matter at intruders. (4:20)
The founder of a creationist dinosaur theme park refuses to pay taxes, President Obama may be a secret Mormon, and a Jewish man trades kidneys on the black market. (06:00)
Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech. (05:28)