Let's put Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Muammar el-Qaddafi in New York City's finest hotels and drain their national treasuries with mini-bar charges. (03:09)
Stephen doesn't understand why the FDA would crack down on an unregulated heavy metal that you spray in your nose and can cause permanent damage. (05:08)
At a recent campaign stop, Fred Thompson asked attendees for a round of applause after failing to get one. Stephen offers some advice on how to get applause without asking. (4:17)
When Charles Kaiser suggests that New York is a gay metropolis because of critical mass, Stephen understands that to mean it's like a dangerous nuclear bomb. (5:22)
A New York Times article reports that senior citizens are exploring safe sex. Stephen disapproves, and they're not the only ones Stephen is wishing a sexless Valentine's Day. (2:54)
New York's famous CBGB's club closed over the weekend, causing Stephen to wax nostalgic about all the nights he went down there to yell at them for making too much noise. (2:01)