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South Carolina's locked ballot means that Stephen can't get on and Herman Cain can't get off, but Colbert supporters can still send a message. (04:28)
Newt Gingrich knows how to court corporate donors with his subtle fundraising technique. (01:55)
Should any incandescent bulbs escape South Carolina into neighboring states, they must be returned immediately, as specified in the Fugitive Bulb Act. (03:10)
Dale Bryk says the new and improved incandescent light bulbs use less energy and will put a dent in the deficit. (03:59)
Eric Foner says Abraham Lincoln didn't see slavery as a fundamental problem confronting America until well into his career. (06:09)
Stephen violates the Constitution, aliens invade Earth, and Fen Montaigne talks about Antarctic penguins. (00:34)
Every time Southerners try to celebrate Confederate heritage, Yankees ruin it by mentioning the s-word. (05:01)
David Wondrich serves Stephen drinks from the Great Depression and the Civil War, and invents a Colbert Bump cocktail. (04:57)
As a recent black man, Stephen looks forward to hearing President Obama's NAACP speech. (02:58)
Howard Fineman believes Americans were born and bred to argue. (06:46)
South Carolina is a state where big strapping straight men reenact Civil War battles and then shower together for historical accuracy. (02:52)
Stephen better knows his home state's governor, Mark Sanford, the most boring US governor. (4:21)
Stephen takes his vitamin E -- a couple of caplets in the mouth keeps the blood flow going south. (6:01)
Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin tells Stephen that if Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he might be the host of The Colbert Report. (6:15)
Stephen thinks that Representative Albert Wynn and his people shouldn't be allowed to vote -- and by "his people," he, of course, means "federal employees." (6:23)