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George Stephanopoulos considers the likelihood of Mitt Romney winning the GOP nomination and of Hillary Clinton becoming Barack Obama's vice presidential running mate. (06:03)
Stephen knows that if Socialists had their druthers, no one would own their own druthers. (03:43)
ESPN robs Americans of the proper football preparation procedures, so Stephen takes it upon himself to compose a Monday Night Football theme. (04:36)
Web searches are enshrined in America's founding documents, and cigarettes have a First Amendment right to be alive with pleasure. (04:54)
Before American society collapses into roving, cannibalistic motorcycle gangs, it should try bubble tea and have sex with Canada. (03:34)
Barack Obama needs to use graphs and charts in his speeches if he wants to keep people's attention. (02:24)
Stephen examines the duties of the vice president and reports that Dick Cheney is one step closer to joining the legions of the undead. (02:15)
Stephen breaks out the Atone Phone for the Jewish High Holidays and testifies before Congress. (04:19)
It's not fair to tax rich people until you've driven a mile in their limousine, and Austan Goolsbee gives Obama economic advice. (00:33)
Vice President Joe Biden handed out hot dogs to America's returning troops, not meat. (02:34)
Stephen salutes the returning troops and gets vice excited about his interview with Joe Biden. (00:37)
Joe Biden serves hot dogs to the returning troops, Stephen introduces the greatest toilet on Earth, and Yogi Berra determines when the Iraq war will be over. (09:07)
Joe Biden talks about the challenges of bringing the Iraq war to a close and thanks President Bush for honoring the troops. (05:08)
Stephen thanks Yogi Berra, General Ray Odierno, Vice President Joe Biden and the troops in the audience. (00:25)
Stephen questions Laura Ingraham about the hackneyed racial stereotypes President Obama makes in his diary. (05:56)
Stephen's been called for jury duty a dozen times, and they never let him go when he tells them he's president. (02:40)
America executes fewer prisoners, the Obama administration makes a shocking appointment, and James Fowler discusses the power of social networks. (00:35)
Connecticut's 42nd District is located in the middle of the River Styx and is represented by Brad Pitt's character from "Fight Club." (04:22)
Joe Biden crashes President Obama's state dinner to get on "The Real Housewives of Delaware." (00:33)
Congressman Mike Castle doesn't believe Delaware should allow people to marry chickens. (07:56)