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The Bush administration is not hanging Senate candidate Alan Schlesinger out to dry -- they are hanging him out to moisten. (3:49)
Stephen doesn't like the idea of fining people who don't vote, since it punishes the poor. He'd prefer to pay the poor not to vote and empower them with lottery tickets. (3:17)
Eighty-six percent of Democrats may be against the war in Iraq, but America is like a cappuccino -- most of it is foam, and the real stuff is underneath. (2:59)
Stephen asks MoveOn.org's Eli Pariser who he is, what he does and how he wants to destroy America. (5:30)
There's been an open invitation for Senator Joe Lieberman to appear on The Report. There's now a chair as well, just like the one left for Elijah at the Passover table. (2:22)
Stephen figures the reason Joe Lieberman lost his Senate primary was because he refused to come on The Colbert Report. (1:40)
Stephen is disappointed that a DVD of "Mystic River" and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs couldn't lure Joe Lieberman onto The Report. (1:36)
Stephen pulls out all the stops to get Joe Lieberman to appear on his show, but wonders if Lieberman has enough Joementum to do it. (3:10)
Stephen profiles Wikipedia and the response to Lance Bass coming out of the closet, and thanks Ned Lamont for destroying the Democratic Party. (0:31)
Stephen asks Senate hopeful Ned Lamont if he thinks the president's going to kiss him. (7:38)
Connecticut, you chose Joe Lieberman in 1988; you can't just say 'oops, I made a mistake' and elect another Democrat. (3:52)