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Stephen explains what newspapers are to his younger viewers and wonders why they don't have a porn section. (03:28)
Newsweek's list of the world's best countries is based on useless criteria like education, quality of life and health. (03:03)
Stephen signs off with a copy of Newsweek. (00:06)
Stephen previews the 2012 Olympics in London, a military contractor lands in hot water, and Jimmy Cliff performs. (00:36)
Stephen's financial advisor, Gorlock, has assured him that the Dow will continue to rise indefinitely. (02:16)
Never mind how Stephen got an iPad -- luckily, there's an app that filters urine. (02:38)
Stephen's been called for jury duty a dozen times, and they never let him go when he tells them he's president. (02:40)
Uighurs should stop having so much fun, and Donald H. Crosby wants to know who the hell Stephen Colbert is. (04:52)
Cheerios marketing receives FDA scrutiny, soda drinkers face paralysis, and Oprah endorses dubious health advice. (07:17)
Laurie Garrett warns that the bird virus in Indonesia is 850 times as bad as the swine flu, though the piggies are right outside our door.. (05:47)
Critics wonder what happened to the old John McCain. Wait a minute, there's an older John McCain? (00:36)
Stephen wags his finger at Newsweek for its unflattering close-up of Sarah Palin. (03:47)
First Stephen had to share the cover of Newsweek with Iranian President Ahmadinejad -- and now he has to share "60 Minutes," too. (2:42)
Stephen criticizes the elderly and argues that you should only get to retire if you've earned it. (3:06)
Stephen Colbert runs down famous news stories featured in Newsweek's "Golden Corner." (1:33)
Newsweek says Bush is in a bubble. Stephen doesn't think that's a bad thing. (3:05)