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Episode #08083
Republican candidate Rick Santorum suspends his presidential campaign to avoid losing in his home state, according to speculation. (01:54)
When Stephen can't reach Karl Rove, he solicits political advice from a loaf of ham that wears wire-rimmed glasses. (03:19)
Episode #08067
Stephen mourns the end of King-Size Snickers bars and celebrates the rising popularity of "second breakfast." (04:36)
Episode #08015
Herman Cain understands domestic issues because he has experience selling pizza, and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian. (04:14)
Episode #07097
With America's helium supply dwindling, the country has no choice but to hunt balloons in the wild. (03:10)
Episode #07086
Stephen wants to give Pakistan an ultimatum to stop supporting terror or lose American aid, but Stephen doesn't think Stephen should choose his friends for him. (04:59)
Episode #07018
DiGiorno packages wyngz, and Wal-Mart helps Michelle Obama in her socialist scheme to end childhood obesity. (04:12)
Episode #06096
Stephen can't be gay when he does masculine things like drink Bud Light Lime -- the manliest fruit-flavored lager on the market. (03:39)
Episode #06090
Happy Meals now come with Zoloft, and Stephen Colbert is definitely not a 40-year-old virgin. (01:26)
Episode #06089
After spending yesterday couch-bound in the fetal position, Stephen caught up on the news he usually misses. (01:59)
Episode #05099
Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time. (05:59)
Episode #05080
Stephen used the time on his long flight back from Iraq to regrow his hair, and now it's as lustrous and thick as ever. (03:15)
Episode #05071
Idealist Stephen and the pragmatist Stephen attempt a compromise on how best to deal with cats and dogs. (04:58)
Episode #05058
Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu. (04:51)
Episode #04043
A teenage Tek Jansen grows up fast after joining Alpha Squad. (5:12)