Stephen finds a shamrock replacement under some grow lights in his neighbor's backyard shed. (03:14)

Tags:  St. Patrick's Day,  holidays,  Ireland,  shortages,  Jesus,  religion,  Christian,  McDonald's,  marijuana,  drugs

Nell Irvin Painter debates the meaning of white people and arm-wrestles Stephen over the Scots-Irish. (05:01)

Tags:  Nell Irvin Painter,  interviews,  books,  don't see color,  St. Patrick's Day,  holidays,  Ireland,  lookin' good,  rage

Don't forget to wear green for St. Patrick's Day -- it really helps hides the vomit. (00:12)

Tags:  sign off,  St. Patrick's Day,  holidays,  puking

How will the wealthy weather the economic crisis? Easy, they have weather-control machines. (00:32)

Tags:  intro,  wealth,  economy,  science,  books,  St. Patrick's Day,  holidays,  David Gann

The Colbert Report is definitely going to visit our troops sometime in the near or distant future -- or past. (03:34)

Tags:  Shout Out,  St. Patrick's Day,  holidays,  Jimmy,  military,  troops,  redacted,  Colbert Report Overseas,  Persian Gulf,  Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf?,  travel,  recruitment

Does America believe it's in a recession? A euro for your thoughts. (0:33)

Tags:  intro,  recession,  economy,  Samantha Power,  Barack Obama,  March Madness,  animals,  St. Patrick's Day

One lucky person in The Colbert Report studio is going to Philadelphia to report on the convention: Stephen! (4:50)

Tags:  Pennsylvania,  Philadelphia,  Democrats,  primaries,  Hillary Clinton,  Barack Obama,  St. Patrick's Day,  holidays,  Irish

Shaun Clancy banned the traditional Irish song "Danny Boy" from his NY pub on St. Patrick's Day. (3:56)

Tags:  People Who Are Destroying America,  St. Patrick's Day,  Irish,  songs,  music,  New York City,  on location,  holidays

St. Patrick's Day can't go on now that geneticists have discovered that the English and the Irish are a single people. (3:26)

Tags:  holidays,  Bobby,  Eric Drysdale,  Irish,  science,  genetics,  England,  St. Patrick's Day