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America invented TV, so Americans should get the awards for it. (02:40)
Rick Perry takes on the 800-pound gorilla in the room, being stomped on by the elephant in the room, being ridden by the emperor who has no clothes: Social Security. (04:50)
Anthony Weiner captures the manscaping vote and makes Stephen feel like an oyster. (04:34)
Documents reveal Osama bin Laden's immaculate financial records, and Hugh Hefner gets his pipe cleaned while he watches Stephen. (04:54)
Stephen writes Jimmy Fallon a thank you note for appropriating his face to win an Emmy. (05:55)
Stephen competes with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and 'Equitrekking' for a Daytime Emmy. (02:56)
Clarence Thomas comes under attack for not reporting his wife's income and for dropping by a secret corporate fundraiser. (05:38)
The TSA offers friendly skies with benefits, Bert moves from PBS to LGBT, and Stephen appeals to an unexpected demographic. (06:47)
Since Oprah won't send Stephen's audience to D.C., he buys them tickets for the Shin Wu Chinatown bus. (03:56)
Most Americans fail a quiz asking basic questions about religion, and Stephen urges his viewers to make babies. (04:23)
To restore truthiness and fight Jon Stewart's creeping reasonableness, Stephen announces his March to Keep Fear Alive. (08:22)
Colbert Nation members release a flock of doves as a sign that Stephen should hold a rally or at least bring a shotgun to work. (05:15)
White viewers can increase Stephen's black ratings by buying an inflatable Nielsen Mandela from P.K. Winsome. (07:37)
Stephen is in the middle of a repressed Daily Show memory when he's interrupted by an emergency Candwich update. (03:40)
Steve Carell feels like he's in the witness relocation program, and Jon Stewart wants to escape The Daily Show. (06:33)
Stephen refuses to apologize to Quetzalcoatl, Santa Claus could make you sick, and a Canadian woman kicks strangers in the balls. (04:37)
One of the most interesting things David Javerbaum discovered while researching his book is that pregnancy often affects the mother. (04:19)
Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses. (03:37)
Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism. (05:22)
Paul McCartney explains how to hunt vegetables. (1:43)