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Herman Cain beat every candidate in the South Carolina primary who was no longer trying to win, leading Stephen to officially end his presidential exploratory committee. (04:17)
The Egyptian people ask Anderson Cooper to step down, and Bill O'Reilly believes God is the answer to everything. (05:55)
On the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's "Ask Not" inaugural address, the all-American pundit panel tears Camelot a new hole. (03:43)
Stephen receives the Colbert Nation Five Years of Excellence Award and assembles a montage of his most world-changing moments. (06:32)
Stephen asks Zoe Lofgren how hard it is to be a migrant farm worker and if she wants to make an anchor baby. (05:08)
Trapped Chilean miners get cigarettes, the Portland Press Herald issues an apology, and a 106-year-old woman credits her longevity to being a virgin. (05:30)
Joe Biden serves hot dogs to the returning troops, Stephen introduces the greatest toilet on Earth, and Yogi Berra determines when the Iraq war will be over. (09:07)
Stephen consults his prophetic goose, Geese Witherspoon, to find out if he should hold his own rally. (07:33)
Prescott Group spares you the bunker chaos above while providing amenities like corridors, handguns and an attentive zombie staff. (05:23)
"Fela!" wins at the Tonys, Rain accepts MTV's badass award, and "truthiness" gets added to the dictionary. (04:54)
With the end of manned spaceflight, America has to ride on the hump in the back seat while the Russians take the wheel to space. (04:14)
If Congress doesn't reauthorize the Patriot Act, America's corporations are ready to step in. (03:49)
Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech. (05:28)
Barack Obama's speech on health care reform is so moving it almost fools Lindsey Graham into clapping. (04:01)
Kanye West's attack on Taylor Swift at the VMAs was actually an attack on Stephen. (03:58)
Afghanistan prepares for Bring Your Rocket Launcher to Work Day, and Jonathan Cohn explains why America's having a health care crisis. (00:35)
Democrats want to pay for health care reform by taxing sodas and killing old people. (05:14)
Stephen announces the nominees for the Memy Awards' one and only category: Outstanding Individual. (03:14)
Stephen Colbert is mad as hell, and he's not gonna take it anymore. Until the next time he gets mad as hell. (4:22)
Stephen is already twitching with excitement over his Coke-fueled party to protest the soda tax. (04:49)