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The Colbert Report's Des Moines affiliate station, WOI, confirms Mitt Romney's eight-vote win over Rick Santorum in the Iowa caucus. (03:34)
According to KPHO, Phoenix's news leader, boys and girls across America are soaking tampons in vodka and literally getting drunk off their asses. (03:48)
The NFL fines Troy Polamalu for concussion-dialing his wife on the sideline, and Stephen debuts the second pro-NBA-owner Colbert Super PAC ad. (06:19)
Stephen's pro-NBA-owner Super PAC ad is sure to bring the NBA lockout crisis to an end -- if ABC's Dallas affiliate, WFAA, ever airs it. (6:34)
Stephen says goodnight to the audience. (00:07)
WOI station manager and men's room Emmy fluffer Ray Cole sends an update on the Rick Parry write-in scandal. (03:59)
Rick Parry might be the only write-in candidate to rank in the Ames straw poll top 10, but the Iowa GOP refuses to release the results for public scrutiny. (02:39)
Stephen goes live via satellite to The Colbert Report's local affiliate in Des Moines, WOI, for the latest on the Rick Parry write-in scandal. (03:58)
Stephen reminds Colbert Nation to tune into The Colbert Report's Des Moines affiliate station, WOI. (00:08)
Stephen apologizes to ABC's Des Moines affiliate station, WOI: it turns out their general manager, Ray Cole, has touched Stephen's Emmy. (02:39)
Michele Bachmann gets a commanding 80% of the votes she paid for at the Iowa straw poll, and "Rick Parry" receives at least 718 write-in votes. (07:36)
The fat cat media elites in Des Moines think they can sit in their ivory corn silos and play puppet master with national politics. (05:40)
Seniors will soon be crocheting black light posters and syncing Perry Como's "Lightly Latin" with season three of "Murder She Wrote." (03:48)
The Ohio legislature allows guns into sports stadiums, and Facebook ushers in a brave new world of personal product placement. (03:58)
Superman renounces his U.S. citizenship, Madden NFL 12 adds a concussion rule, and "Glee" glamorizes homosexuality. (05:32)
A government-sponsored egg hunt in Ohio takes out the word "Easter," and the White House offers environmentally friendly eggs. (03:02)
The Emergency Beckpack is filled with everything needed to survive in a post-Glenn world, including beef stroganoff. (03:57)
Stephen will not be satisfied unless the Reagan tribute at the Super Bowl takes up the full halftime show and the third quarter. (03:27)
A British actor is cast as the next Superman, and Walgreens offers a discount beer for 50 cents a can. (05:09)
Four Loko finds a new way to make money off their liver-destroying gutter swill, and horoscopes are off by one month. (05:46)